Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
