i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
