If that was your dad, he is hot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize