i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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