I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
