Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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