Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
