I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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