i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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