I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
