so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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