what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm at about main and main street
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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