i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
