Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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