he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
