that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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