No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
