Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
