I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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