weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So vagazzling was a success
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
