Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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