well you can't waste a boner
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize