Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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