Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
