I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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