Banned from zoo.
Again?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
