I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
