WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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