In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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