You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
