i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize