so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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