i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
