i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
