walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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