There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
