What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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