He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
