No stitches, just platelets and will power
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
