Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
not ubering you a puppy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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