If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
