I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
