im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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