yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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