come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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