I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
