GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize