Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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