dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
