never play flip cup with pint glasses
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
