We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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