he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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