Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
