I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
