Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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