what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
