I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you never un-have a 4some
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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