Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
