i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
