It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize