My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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