and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
