It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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