I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
