i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
