i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
