i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
