just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
