We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
