You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm passing your future prison.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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