Please don't use social media to get back at me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
