She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize