look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
