in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
