his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
