If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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