I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
