Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
