you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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