Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
