how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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