When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
