if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
