i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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