he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
