come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize