i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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