someone threw a dead crab at me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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