so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
