All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
