Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
