for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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