you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
