i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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