Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
