Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
