Apparently you make a good broom.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
