I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
