fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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