No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize