great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
