I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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