A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
