...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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