im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
