Im at strip club and am horny
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
