When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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